And by "take 2" I think I mean more like *actually* take FIVE (5) because I have started and stopped and edited this post on more than a few separate dates/occasions thus far.
Life is hard still, but tbh did I anticipate it getting magically suddenly blissfully easy, all of a sudden? No. And it didn't, and shit is still hanging over me like a dark cloud of gloom & doom... Sorta like in that movie from the 80's, "The Neverending Story", how the "villian" isn't so much as a physical person or creature and instead there is just this black hole of despair eating up the entire universe (the "Fantasia" universe?) killing everything... No, just destroying everything in it's path, and what is this existential conceptual bad guy(/thing) called?? It's called "The Nothing", and it's not an entity so much as a really unfortunate life-sucking energy VOID. (Okay fine, there is that mean growling wolf thing, but if I recall correctly he's just a henchman of sorts, doing the bidding of this cloud-void jawn, probably just waiting to die also and justify his shitty hobby of taking away everyone and everything from all of existence!)
Whew. Depressing. This was a KIDS MOVIE BTW, and actually one of my favorite movies ever as a young impressionable 'Tina.
Sundays are rough. Sigh.
Before I freak out about any bad shit... I gotta try and remind myself of some (any) of the good stuff, the things I'm thankful for, the things I'm blessed to have in my life ( ... #blessed lololol some of y'all know that joke but I imagine it's going right over all y'alls heads.) I gotta do this so I don't default into the (aforementioned) gloomy dark cloud that seems to be following me around lately, like some kind of demented Eeyore Shadow Person Guardian Demon.
If it were an entity of some kind, at least I could work on developing some kind of counter attack.
Instead it just looms, heavy, occasionally whispering really awful ideas in my ears. Not actually. But it may as well be. "Punch that b*tch in the face!" Or "Jump in front of that incoming train." ( I promise this is just dark humor and I am not actually suicidal. )
On that note, here's a dark & spooky painting I very recently sold!
Since once again, I'm on my phone writing this, creating formatted, nice captions allude me still. SO, this is my "Skeleton Queen", and she is a small (not quite 8"X 10") oil and mixed media painting on a wood panel. I am almost certain prints will be available also. She began as an 'ooops too much paint' side painting and morphed into well... This! 🌹💀🌹💀🌹💀🌹💀
On a side note, by comparison to past creative spells of madness, I am doing a lot LESS fine art/painting lately and have gotten deep a.f. into making jewelry. Maybe because it's a little more consistent money maker... Maybe it's because I was bored with making "art" for art's sake... Regardless, behold the fruits of my (not profitable enough to be an actual business yet) main squeeze side hustle...
This is my table display setup from last weekend's vending adventures at the Philadelphia Visionary Arts Gallery on Fabric Row in South ish Philly.
Which has really morphed into an interesting neighborhood, btw. Philly's once famous textile district, Fabric Row, which runs down 4th St just south of South Street -- equally famous though now totally played out 90's/early 00's underground music/arts/cultural epicentre -- had long been a site of antiquated textile/fabric wholesale shops, interesting yet incredibly specific, and like all of oir countries once great & powerful industries, with out hesitation have all but disappeared from our borders. With major global textile manufacturers coming out of places like China and similar exotic and depressing far off places for many many years now, it was only a matter of time. I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did, actually.
I was supposed to end this post with a list of GOOD THINGS, to balance out all the bad shit. That said, I'm in a slightly darker mood than when I started writing this.
I know it won't be awful forever. I know there's more I can do to make my life a little less crappy, make my bank account a little less barren, and turn the depressing reality of things into anything even mildly more positive. But today I haven't a clue what those things are and/or how to ya know, make that change that you want to see (in the world, in yourself, whatever.)
It's just increasingly difficult to navigate this reality where it seems like not only will I be walking to work since I don't seem to have money for train fare but there is no foreseeable end to this poverty in sight.
(I say this as I was *supposed* to be selling a painting today, and had my phone near me for hours with no indication of texts or calls only to hear just now that the person tried both and failed to reach me somehow. WTF WHY IS THIS MY LIFE??)
ACCEPTING PITY DONATIONS NOW.
Also sales of art, jewelry and other handmade things. Not sure what else to do.
Quit making things? Find a second real job?
Maybe.
